annie and katrin

Intensity

2012-02-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

my intensity, it haunts me, i have a friend she so intense, and she is lovely. no one runs away from her. my husband, my good ol' faithful husband, he is still with me. There is no intensity in snow. snow, it's patient, so very patient here. i don't like the idea that life gives lessons. did you see the snow today? on the sidehill. it had a shining crust of ice, the sun, the sun who's so intense, it made the ice a silver sheet. the patient snow safely underneath.

7 months of snow, why can't i just be me? why do i think i can't be me? i looked a paintings of my paul today, i love him as intensely as i ever did. deeply do i long for him, and so i long for other men, because my inability to give him snow, is what i think made him more silent than a cold spell of 40 below. a south wind blew, yet another man i meet; i want him badly, i long for him so deeply, really i barely know him, not taking time for pleasantries. i love the kind, they reach for me almost instantly, they reach for diamonds that i offer them. I might say, should we not take it a little slower. but really that would make me so uncomfortable, to wait for things i want to happen. so now, only now, this time around i will give him space like air trapped under snow. The snow it does change and when you step upon that silver sheet,

it will collapse quite wonderfully. i will give him space, i will try this time, even if he talks he wants me now, now deeply, fill me totally. i will try to be the winter here and take it slow.

slow slow slow forever all night long, will my faked silence be rewarded.

so i can be the sun.

i never thought i would speak this way

but i can try

labrador tea blossoms

2012-02-03T18:13:00.001-08:00

image taken from the web

I wrote this at the writing club last week on a prompt labrador tea.

Clair and i went for dinner today, she doesn't agree with my new lifestyle. Not many do.That's okay, but i still like to bring it out in the open, maybe make it more accepted, maybe..

I always ensure my friends; you don't have to like what i do, or i say; i am not trying to convince you of anything, it's just me. What did i write lately? It's like positive thinking,which works for me, but doesn't really make my life easier. Or remember, i used to say; don't believe me , i lie. Well really all that stuff, we want to teach our kids about critical thinking.

I love my new lifestyle and i do love it when i meet kindred spirits. Claire, i dearly love her, is not one of them. She would kick her husband out, take him to court, strip him clean if he even suggested having a girlfriend on the side. So i don't push the subject with her. Sorry folks here i do, because this just happens to be my safe place to write this kind of stuff.

But Claire and i we do talk relationships, don't we all. So what did she say when i got up to leave?

Or did i say something, as i always feel the need to share. Shit, i love to brag about my boy friends, Yes, i am that kind of girl too. Anyway she said; " well do you have someone now"(meaning an affair)

"Well i did have sex with someone lately"

" Here? Here in Whitehorse"

" Yes Clair"

" A Whitehorse man!?"

Now Clair was all ears, And how i love an eager audience.

" Claire, i can't tell, it's secret, his wife is not to know, bla bla bla"

But her so eager, and i even more, i slipped some vague details:

You might know him

He is wonderfully young

And quite handsome

She asked: "please please please tell me

I am actually proud i was able to keep a secret, not my strongest

" pleeeeese..... in ten years than?"

I promised. I will tell her in ten years.

I don't know if even you guys get this, It's my wonderful life, it's what makes me blossom.

Like the blossom of Labrador Tea. It's not very well known. It is white and i am sure you Yukoners, know it's beauty and it's lovely exotic fragrance.

the end

And i met him again, and now i looked in his eyes, they are the same color as mine.

just an ordinary day

2012-01-24T20:47:00.000-08:00

and i want to write this whole story, this story of today, this story of how we do laugh, how i was cold all day and lovers warmed me and my one love rubbed me vigorously and how i got lost in a white world. White sky, fine snow, even the tiniest branch white. How the cold stung my cheeks and i wandered of the path and the snow got deeper and deeper and soon i was a hundred miles from anything i knew. And the trees changed and shaped into forms with faces and how i kept on walking.... This is Rob's story, he told it today and i said ; Rob! you are a storyteller and he said; you know sometimes i don't even know how to spell my name anymore, and i laughed, i said you know Rob, i have never told a soul, but i never know how to spell my name, i always have to think, sometimes i look it up in my passport to make sure. And we laughed,and laughed and i wrestled him down. He is my husband, I am the domme and he is the sub. He doesn't know. It's all against the rules of bdsm, which is consensual consent. And i sit on his face and he eats me. We laugh harder, and of course he is stronger and wrestles me down. Consent with Rob doesn't work, he always says, no, we wouldn't even have made it as far as anal sex. Which we now like a lot, or my magic wand which was a gift from extramarital lover of mine. How i like that word, not as bad as cheating. What do you do when your husband always says no? So i fool around with other men, and he says , no. But the other day, i got a new job for one morning a week, a proper job, a normal job, not in the deep snow of the wild woods. And he was mad, how could i do such thing. You think i was admitting i had an affair, that's how upset he was. It turns out to be a nice job, and he is okay with it now. It was 4 pm when i went for my walk in the woods. I had to go out, i had been cold all day and knew i had to get out. And to have affairs ain't easy you know. In my life before loving lovers, i never thought much about affairs, it wasn't something i despised, but also not something i would ever do. And like positive thinking it doesn't really make life easier. oh i guess nobody ever said that, but it is not that i walked off the path on purpose. It was all white, the path, the stones, the forest floor. These glorious giant poplars, all white. But I know Darren when he phones , he phones me around 4 pm. When he is home from work and his wife is not home yet. You know i can't even picture his face very well, it's other body parts that are engraved in my mind. That i can still taste and his cum, i could still feel his cum in my mouth when i went to work after, a normal job, the people there think i am normal, i think they are normal. It makes me wonder what color their world is? How gloriously lost they are?

snowflakes

2012-01-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

when a snowflake forms

how cold is cold

can a love that's shallow

penetrate me deeply

when is cheating cheating

anticipated meetings

i like to write a book

the joy of loving randomly

you know the beauty of a snowflake

you also know how short it really lives

my newest flake

is in suspension

it almost didn't happen yet

Devon

2011-10-29T19:08:00.001-07:00

finally

my dark master

it's been a month since i heard his voice

i feared for all that's negative

again he made me do it

give up on him so totally

on us together ever

knowing there is nothing there,

i reach out one more time

believing

he is gone for good

i dial his number

it rings at least 6 times

his voice

i can't believe my ears

dark as ever

black rock texas

he is there

he talks to me

right now and here

i can't hear what he is saying

bad?

weeks?

he tells me everything

but i can't make sentences form

mostly incomprehensive words

he didn't call me, baby

at least i did not hear

he says, phone back tomorrow

the connection will be better

no! don't hang up on me

not now

i am in seventh heaven

happy just to hear you breath

he lets me

and i do listen

for quite a while

till i know, that all still stands

our love is meant to last for ever

i can only be white light

when he is my dark lord

moss

2011-08-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

yesterday i danced among the stars

today i lay on moss

the wet cold earth so soft

i am so calm

yesterday

the slightest touch released

the laughter of the universe

i found you

now all i have to do

is wait till you find me

glass beads

2011-08-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

GLASS BEADS
what if the grass were fragile?
what if you were here?
everywhere i walk, tinkling
water drops roll on my skin
water ain't solid like glass beads
the earth IS fragile
every single sound
to be never heard that way again
kiss me kiss me!
let it last for ever
let me know again
that i am walking naked in wet grass
that the rain keeps falling
that your laughter is my music
and that the sun will shine on both of us

colors in the night

2011-08-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

i am the rain that dances by your window
i smell your smells and see soft lighting
through the windowpane
sparkling on to me outside
i see your movements;
how you push your chair back
and get up to get something
i long for a home like that
but i am the rain!
and pelt away
i am born from clouds
and with the sun
i'll send you rainbows
imagined touch
the colors they are real

secret cove

2011-06-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

no words are needed

when everything is right

my mind is quiet

when my vagina speaks

nobody home

2011-05-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

What do you do
when no one's home
when you're naked
your collared and you try to quit smoking

you take a lover

and once a week

you order two days of bliss

let me tell you about last week's

At 5 am i get up
6 am i drive to town
7 am i sit with my most wonderful women's group in quiet meditation
8.30 3 hours of money making, a job
i drop of recycling, run an odd errand and make some changes to a certain document
noon drive out to Carcross to meet an old friend
again all sorts of errands, hers, and we get to eat ice cream and chat on the beach
2 pm drive in blue skies and white snow over the mountain pass
3 pm we make love
4 pm we sail out of the harbor into the blue
5 pm under sail we make love
6 pm eating out; chai
7 pm a drive around to decide were we take pictures for this photo shoot
8 pm the order forgotten the feelings not; we make love, we play in the wood heated cedar hot tub, we dance and we laugh, was there red wine?, and yes he does tie me up, where i hang from the ceiling in bliss :)
and at some point we sleep
we sleep tightly entangled all night
when he wakes for a bit he kisses me
when i wake up for a bit i wonder how we can actually sleep pressed into each other so tight
6 am we make love and we rise
7 am photo shoot (note the bags under my eyes :)
8 am more of the same, the thing we love most
9 am i have to drive off
back to my town where i do work for 5 hours today
groceries and gas
ahhh and at 6 pm i get to go home.....
i fall in my bed,
and i am home.....
it's all part of my life that i love

because people do still read me here, thanks

2011-05-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

the snow,
soft patches here and there
left over from a world all white
the hill now bare
purple crocuses
blooming out of nowhere
the weather mild today
suddenly and short
hail falls from the sky
the grouse are drumming
the birds are singing
and i ?
i slowly do undress
carefully put my feet
into the icy water
the glory of such moment
to do the things
you would not do
if that white had purpose in it self
the purple just to brighten up the hill
if hail can't fall so softly
the birds will always sing !
as long as we will do our thing !

ice dancing

2011-04-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

just to let you know
i am almost floating
dancing through my life

40 below

2011-03-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

don't read this when you're tenderhearted
and can't handle 40 below

my husband still gives me the best sex ever
i know my boyfriends might not like this post
but when you wake up
and it is still close to 40 below
and you feel freezing
and it's one of these mornings
when the world might come to an end
and you don't know what you want
and your husbands always forgives you
because he is ruled by his penis
and your centre is your clit

sooooo
when i was sitting here at the computer
and he strokes my shoulder with his hard on
i say, oh well rub me hard
because i am cold inside and out
and that's what he does
and the blankets piled high
and i feel better already
and he does much more

you know when this time he would have had me tied down
i would have surely come either that or died
my safeword can just be, no
because i know when fighting to get loose from his grip
i can scream:), please
please go on

ahhhhhhhhhhh:)

the things good sex will do to my mood

2011-03-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

it's the high heels
that make me feel
this ain't me
more accustomed
to be naked
i like my leather skirt
and will start dreaming
let's start:
i apply
for this worldly job
at naughtystep&co
later yet
financially affluent
living on the top floor
looking down
on my own boss
ahhhh it's a just dream
and really it ain't me

i dream

2011-03-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

to live in a silver bay, with golden rays of sunshine, the spray of the waves, the salt on my skin
to be tired from love making, the wind blowing my hair, the warmth of his body
laughter surrounding me, the porpoises jumping in front of the boat
talking for hours on end, listening to screeching sea birds and him

to live in endless desert, eating the juicy red fruits of the cactus,
licking his chin
the heat of the sun warming me, open skies for ever and on
mountains upside down from the ones i came to know
my legs scratched from the rocks we climb, my hand being held by his

to live in understanding the other, the joy of knowing eachother
conversations that build on, to relish in touching, to kiss you in between
all those things that make me know i am exactly were i always wanted to be
to feel blessed as one can be

the waves they come and go
i am with you
i am with him
and sometimes alone
i am always within
my heart sings with joy
i dance even when i do not

maybe that is my dream......

2011-02-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

my dream

2011-02-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

if you know me, from keepers you know i was living my dream for a while, for a few years really. And really before that i was living my dream too, and before that too, and before that i became aware of who i was and in the situation i was in, and i would live my dream. Like when i was building my sandcastles in a sandbox among flowering bushes, a divider between the orchard and the flower garden.
Still now as then, i find myself awake in a situation, really not knowing how i got here.
Now i find myself sitting here peacefully trying to get to the point to write a new dream, while waiting for one of my lovers to call me.
One of my lovers, yes, i think i have several to ward of feelings of rejection, or maybe to keep me in vain that i have options, that actually i have a choice. Maybe i need that all to write a new dream.
Today i felt restless, tomorrow i will go and see a new therapist, Monday i work in town.
It's easy to just carry on.
But i feel very stuck, i want change, i want to jump of the cliff, but unlike in my dream a few nights ago, i don't know if i can handle being in free fall for a few seconds, which might last for weeks. Or maybe i am already in free fall, i have set things in motion that cannot be reversed.

So i ask my self what is it what i want, What do i really want? A question i asked in 1974, and i was very blessed to live that life i truly wanted for a few years, and i felt very blessed and it gave me what i wanted. It is not that i was disappointed by it, or want out. It was glorious and will always live it in a way.

hmmmm so much to say, but instead of trying to explain it to you let me get to the point.
- why doesn't he phone? -
hmmmmm my dream....... to live in a loving relationship...
to live with someone in harmony, to be truly happy with eachother, to do the things you love, and come home to love.
ahhhh i realize it's a tall order, because i do not want to give up everything i have; my health, the freedom to do the things i love, to be always warm and well fed, to have loving friends and family.
See! now i think i am so spoiled
Please let me know i am not
Please let me know if you live with the love of your life and it is good....

next time for the sake of creation, i will go into the details

now the dream

2011-02-17T18:46:00.000-08:00

this morning i did not get to write my dream, my dream last night that is, tomorrow i will write my dream for my future, my future.... you'll see i am driving in my car on a two lane road, i go forward,

there is a car right in front of me facing my way,

it's driving backwards the same speed as i,

it unnerves me, i swerve to the left and hit a car in the opposite lane.

because nothing happens when i hit it,

it makes me realizing i am dreaming (lucid)

the road becomes sandy

the landscape more beautiful

the car in front of me is gone

there is rocks to the right and a cliff to the left

all in pastel lovely blues and reds

and yellowish sand

the road becomes smaller and smaller

now it is just a clay edge on the side of the rock

i am walking now

knowing the sandy clay edge will not hold me

knowing that i am dreaming

i turn to the left and fly

as there is still a little bit of question in my mind if i am dreaming or not

i first free fall

but i find my wings in time

the way i fly is with my arms outstretched

and my feet together as the tail of a fish to steer

it's beautiful!

the land beneath me beautiful

being lucid, i realize that there are no electrical wires

in past flying dreams i always have to deal with power lines

not today

all the joy of excitement

hmmmm it wakes me up

dream

2011-02-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

all is calm, peaceful

now and in my head

bravery in the yukon

2011-02-12T10:27:00.001-08:00

you think i am brave, go to meandering michael's site
now he is brave!!!
i'll send the link later... busy ...

here it is, check it out!Current Coldest

temptations

2011-02-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

won't you be tempted

when you drive up to his house first time

and it's just that house that is just so

when you walk into the mudroom

and you see through a glass door

that it's a cherry wood dancing floor

and the wind is blowing form the mountains

and ocean is close by

won't you be tempted

when even curtains are the ones you've always liked

when he takes you to the bedroom

and the view from the picture window

is most incredibly

and the rain is only sweeping mist

and the waves are high

all weekend long he tells you things

but it really it is he that makes you what he says you are

his touch and kisses,

the things he does

the food he feeds you

won't you be tempted

to just step into this dream

where he is your king

and you're his queen

the rain outside your window

2011-01-26T08:13:00.001-08:00

Coffee computer
dark winter rain window dance
imagining touch

JB

i am the rain that dances by your window
i smell the coffee and see the soft lighting
your movements,
how you push your chair back and get up to get something
i long for a home like that
but i am the rain
and pelt away
i am born from clouds
with the sun
i'll send you rainbows
imagined touch

real colors reaching out for you

swimming

2011-01-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

she knows when she gives

she bleeds on their sheets

lucious lips lovers

his power hers

her power his

flowing like honey

dizzy from all this bright red liqueur

snow is but moist in the air

sima sawme haiku

2011-01-17T18:53:00.000-08:00

going up the lift

my head rests on your shoulder

ski fast to slow down

walking up the stairs

the smell of hotel carpets

me close behind you

erratic

2011-01-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

erratics protect

my love for you melts the snow

who says, it is cold?

Thanks to hot Steve i was inspired to try my first Haiku. Any suggestion are welcome, i am totally new to the art.

http://oneshotpoetry.blogspot.com/p/one-shot-poetry.html

i don't know why

2011-01-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

i get so luckyliving like a lush
when the sun shines upon my skin
i know that things are good
not to long ago i went in the dark of night
to visit my dearest friend
half an hours walk
straight through the woods
not even stars where shining
i nearly do get lost
feeling snug in my warm snow suit
then again i know
that i am always safe and sound
and taking care of
is that why?
when my computer almost crashes
i just have to make a call
and friends they help me out
and do more for me
than i expected

i know i have too many boyfriends right now
but it sure
comes in handy

i cry

2011-01-05T12:23:00.001-08:00

music

just someones music

someone very talented

send it to me

i cry

because today

i do not know

i feel so soft and vulnerable

i am so blessed

but who am i

You know, these amazingly beautiful things happen to me, for me, around me, asked of me, because they believe in me, but here am i,

and feel my only talent is

to be there

for you

to lay in your arms all day

to pleasure you

to pleasure me

again i ask

is that my

destiny

no poet, no writer, nor artist

just me

loving you and loving me

can life be just that?

maybe?

music send to me by coyotesings

http://mydreamsmoveslowly.tumblr.com/post/1498571435

http://mydreamsmoveslowly.tumblr.com/post/500221106/simplejoys

and i found him at

http://oneshotpoetry.blogspot.com/

my dear pussy

2011-01-03T14:57:00.001-08:00

Hi, I am still working on my orgasms, if some of you have wondered.
And.... no orgasm yet, I am making progress.
Which is rather exciting (haha, as it should be:)
I just talked a whole lot about it on Fetlife.
hmmm so i don't feel like repeating myself here...sorry.
Now if you like to check in in Fetlife...
I love it over there
I love what it brought me here
here as in my real life
hmmmm i do feel blogging is part of my real life too,
but you know what i mean, there's cyber experiences
and ones in my material world so to speak.
Both very satisfying,
now just if i could reach that satisfaction in sex.....
which i do
it's complicated.....:)

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARto all of you

who read me here

from Holland

New Mexico

and everywhere

that i don't know

GELUKKIG NIEUW JAAR

FELIZ ANO NUEVO

(don't mind my Spanish, i don't know if that's correct)

snow heart

2010-12-28T15:09:00.000-08:00

click on http://oneshotpoetry.blogspot.com

if every cell of us

contains our totallity

and we are mainly water

i look at a snowflake

and wonder if that's the one

of that moment

now frozen in time

where my grandpa

called me sientje

i his princess

he my king

bad girl

2010-12-27T19:31:00.001-08:00

no, not me, the camera
do i get all my clothes off
guess what
the camera acts up
it was exhilarating though
as always
naked in the snow
soaring

Ahhh but this me...
i like to be bad too
who would have thought that
(you probably)
how this all and later this blog innocently started, spiritually really, loving oneself, being, in the moment.......
now see where it got me
i love to fall in love
have sex in odd places
talk dirty to you
just how i used to be
as a teenager yes
God forbid
i won't start drinking with the guys
i rather liked that too

run !

this Rio river

2010-12-21T20:00:00.001-08:00

visit http://oneshotpoetry.blogspot.com

this Rio river

i forgot it's nameit's called a river

but it's just water

flowing through all rock

deep and awesome rock

it's a peaceful creek
you think
but you don't see that it is thundering down just a few feet away you don't see that my life is about to change all i had about to evaporate the spray it does create

i am sculpted in the rock

bathing

2010-12-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

bathing in cold water

when the sun is hot

When i bath like that i feel totally refreshed, but it's not that easy. The old self is still me. Yesterday the sun did come out in this cold land where i live. And last night i felt sad, since a long time. I realized i still hold on to my old fear, of the need to be looked after, that i cannot do it myself. I see other women who live either alone or with a partner, but they stand independently in a way.

I am the child, i love to laugh, i love to love, to play, to be the sun, i know i'm clean, as in totally Innocent,

you stand there on the other shore

you rub me dry and warm again

flushed

2010-12-18T19:00:00.001-08:00

sunshine

sunshine on my body

laughter in the sky

the river giggling

oak trees

blessing me

it's us girls that are giggling, only here i 'm shy to say, that i love male company

all these men i meet

they're so incredibly sweet.

flushed

a fluttering butterfly

the path I'm on

2010-12-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

you know

i know

i am all sex

that's all there is to it

I love to make love

i love to love

i love to be loved

and i know

there is many ways to love

and it's not all sex

but sex is a good one

you know it

and i do too

click on
Friday Flash 55.....

on the edge

2010-12-13T15:30:00.001-08:00

living on the edgei look at me

there she is

what is it that i like the places that i like?

the sun baked rock

underneath bare feet

skipping stones

to reach the edge

no fear

inhabits me

when i am

who i am meant to be

me, me, me

2010-12-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

As i have been away for six weeks, now back home, it's like starting over again.
So here i am!
I start with being me.
This photo shows me,
totally who i feel i am......
So whatever you or i were thinking before, this is it, blue skies and white rock inclusive.

uncovering

2010-12-08T15:04:00.001-08:00

my body is startlingly dark

against the white world

now here at home

more than a month later

the white not the white mesa

i undress slowly

outside the window more snow is slowly falling

my body is surprisingly equally tanned

a few broad bands on my feet from sandals

two thin white lines on my belly

my breasts slightly whiter

I guess it was not a dream

even i

2010-10-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

am not always in the position to undress. but, i had this 'vision' and wanted to add a photo to it.
I sometimes have these images appear in my mind. They seem to come out of the blue and are not something i have seen before, it is not a memory. It also is not a dream. It's a flash that i see when i am awake. I don't know if there is a terminology for it. I also don't know if everybody gets them, although i think most of us do. But what do you do with them, they don't seem to relate to anything. Or do they?

DESERT QUEEN

she stood naked

in soft light

not harsh as i imagine desert light to be

she

all calm and content

not caught or distressed as one would assume

there is a coil of barbed wire

around her legs

below the knees

barefooted in the yellow sand

and endless desert

flowing without horizon

she easily could step out

slender with beautiful hips

not as i see mine

over come

2010-10-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

maybe this orgasm thing

is too much for me

so much emotions

i could not even start to tell

even if i wanted

maybe the ones who have orgasms

somehow stronger

or is it

that they know

how to be weak

.............

so much to say

2010-10-17T09:33:00.001-07:00

My life is always so terribly orgasmic, i always have a thousand stories, one happening or one thought, it often feels like i could write a book about it.
(Erin thanks) I HAVE NO IDEA, and that's what i have said to my sexual partners, i just have no idea about this orgasm thing. I don't know where i need to go or not to go when i reach a plateau of excitement. I will relax or work it up some more all with the same result.

But there is hope! With my husband i always have a satisfactory sex life. Then, when my first love came onto the seen, our relationship actually improved. Then when myheartupsidedown appeared my sex life with Don greatly improved. So here comes in Hope, because when i met Bill:) i used to say, you have the total wrong impression of me, i know nothing about sex. Well with lover no 3 (myheartrightsideup) i cannot say that anymore. I feel i learned a thing or two. Sooooo i will also figure out this mysterious orgasm.
And my husband is a great partner in crime, he loves it all.
and :) lover no 3 from a distance (who is really my no.1 or actually 2, 'cause i am no. 1 for me.)
and you, thanks!

For the journaling
I am working my kegels. A question is, i seem to be holding my breath while doing them, i find it real hard to keep breathing while working those muscles. Is that normal? Will i learn to breath and squeeze at the same time?
I masturbated for an hour! Lonnie advices, an hour a day. As here is my thing, i never masturbated as a child, still i find it kind of boring . But yesterday i did it, and will do so again today. After the 3 minutes i looked at the clock ; my gosh do i have to do this for an hour. Then after the next 3 minutes i already reach excitement! wow! (i am so easily proud of myself.)So i very much enjoyed it for 20 min total. Then i kind of started drifting of to sleep (my way of dealing with stuff, i sleep) but i kept playing, i woke up again for the last 20 min and actually didn't want to stop, but i did, leaving some for today.
Now

update

2010-10-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

Of course reading a book like this (For Yourself-Lonnie Barbach) always has an aspect that makes me think; well i am different. But the common factor, having troubles with orgasm: i am quite normal.
So today i read most of the day and did the exercises i came upon.
-She suggest a series of Kegel's , 3 times a day. I could those! wow. I do like to add though that a few years ago i started having trouble with incontinence, and back then i discovered i had lost most strength in my PC muscles., Which i have regained since, but still have to work on.

-I did talk to a girlfriend; she suggested to masturbate when i feel bad. ( i usually say; play with myself, but i am taking this serious:) Which i did! Not a day goes by, luckily, to feel bad of some kind, for a moment. When she suggested it, i did feel a slight panic; now you will have it i will feel good all day and don't have an opportunity to try it out. So i did try that out. and you know it was surprisingly pleasant. I would have never thought of that! (no orgasm though)

- I wrote my mom .(she didn't answer the phone)

-Then there is this thing that you have to say, no, to three things and yes to three others. This is hard for me, because i already pretty much do as i please, and do ask for things. Which is behind that exercises. I haven't figure this one out yet. I considered not bringing in wood, but i like bringing in wood. I did prepare dinner the way i like it and not the way my husband prefers it, but i already mostly do that anyway, because he is hard to please as it is, and for years i already know, that it is best to please me and often in the process it will please him. Which i do see as a bonus. So any suggestion here are welcome, do i have to look at it more subtle? Or do something so outrages i have never even thought of it. Or just accept, that is not were my problem lays? As in knowing , in that area i am on top. Arriba!

-And one more thing i did, look at my body for 15 minutes. Well there's another one, i am good at. I which might be obvious, love my body. No false pretense is required here. I love my skin, i love my veins, i love to touch me, i love my.... on and on. Ha! i really don't like my face very much. Well now that is a surprise, but not really, i like lots about it and i don't even mind the wrinkles, or my uneven teeth, but there is something about it???
Ha! (All this writing here is journal writing as in, i am discovering me while i write.)
so now i have already learned through the Tao of sexuality and such readings and listening to friends who have more expertise on the subject. That our mouth is very related to our genitals.
Or what was it again or how?

Anyway tonight i will ask for a face massage (which also fall under the 'yes' exercises)

for yourself

2010-10-14T19:57:00.001-07:00

I told you a while ago, about my orgasms, or lack of.
Now i was advised by a sex therapist, to read a certain book and do the exercises, and when encountering problems with doing the program outlined in the book i could phone her back.
Finally i got the book: For Yourself the fulfillment of female sexuality by Lonnie Barbach.
I am going to try this program starting today. She suggests first; ' to explore your attitudes and development as a sexual being.
1) How did your parents feel about sex? Your mother? your father? How were their feelings communicated to you?
First i thought well that's going to be a short answer, but of course not really.
I don't know how they felt.
hmmmm this is going to be quite personal here on-line, Lonnie suggest i talk with a girlfriend that i feel very close to.
What comes up for me now, which is an essential fear of mine that i recognize that i am always afraid of hurting people. What i might say might hurt my mom
The second issue is that i really don't want to do this, i've gone here before, i know it all.
But do i?
So for the exercises sake here we go:
My parents tried in earnest(i know that for a fact), to educate us about sex, but it didn't work out, most we got was a big silence. The one answer i did get, is that sex is for when you are married and it is very very special.
I never saw my mother's breasts till i was an adult. I never saw my parents loving towards eachother till i was an adult. So these are just somethings.
My mother did not enjoy sex. My father, i wouldn't have a clue. He was a charmer in the outside world, but a grump in his family. He laughed at me when i showed interest in my breasts and he forbid me to walk around half naked. Which never really worked out, There is nothing new in me showing my body, i am and i was a rebel since age 16.
Growing up i maybe communicated about sex with my mom a little,(maybe i could a fill one page) but never, never did i communicate with my dad on this subject. Yes i did, when he was laying in his casket, i would tell him things. And it is not a joke, it was actually very beautiful. i finally felt close to him again it had been 45 years.

Good enough for now! I am doing my Kegel's :)

walking on water

2010-10-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

walking on water

why should i not

it's what we are after all

would you hold me

if you are strong

we could be one

if we stay open

and keep our

eyes on the sun

A Celebration of Poetic Inspiration
click on this to join in

summer seems

2010-10-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

so long ago
and the summer before that one
where did that one go?
i just visited a little book
with notes
is it really that long ago?
we would phone right around this time
69, 6 your time and 9 mine
tuesday morning, monday night
Hey! phone me now!
I would love to hear your voice
laugh with you the way we did
to know what you are up to
but most of all
i want you to know
no, i never did get over you
it's just
that nowadays you are a fleeting thought
it's just
my boyfriend's out of town tonight

imagine the photo

2010-10-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

am i okay?

to just want you

to long for you

where ever i look

to find all sort of reasons why

or why not

even when i say

it's all good

knowing it is not

you enfold me

i am already in your arms

and that's why i cannot move

that's why everything i do

it's not real

all that is real is what i feel

your arms around me

even when they're not.

YOU, with you i can be the fuddle forever and all the time, and now i dance, swirl around on the wood floor and i paint some more, strokes of bright yellow, and deep blue lines, it really doesn't matter does it that i ..... am ....this way. Will you still love me, when all i want is make love to you.

I love this friggin' life

snow me in, snow

frost you cannot freeze me

do you see me

i dance here naked and hit a key when flying by

and really this is how i believe life to be, not a care in the world, just to know you love me and i loving you.

my question always is

can i live this way

can i live on just love

i did go out and filled the woodbox

i did go out and picked greens, brushing off the snow

i did put away that the ladder

now we are as high as we can be

Lets live our dream

when we don't

who will

laughing

2010-10-05T17:09:00.001-07:00

i smell the roses

the grass is greener
now i've heard your voice today

all i could do was laugh
all he did was laugh
when we did connect
i cannot believe
the joy of laughing
from sheer happiness
laughing at ourselves
laughing at eachother
we didn't need to say a thing
we knew, we both had been too silly
in way too much agony
'cause we did not skype for just one day

One Shot Wednesday

what you don't see

2010-10-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

what you don't see
is that is it snowing right now
that we quickly cover over
the woodpile behind me
in the dark early morning
naked under my snow suit
what you don't see
is the that the story goes on
after the picture's taken
what you don't see
is that the story is right there
taking the shot
what you don't see
is who's sitting beside me

Recently i made it to the front cover of a local magazine. Monthly i attend a writers group. This one night it just happened to be, that i went out in public with my new lover for the first time. And i like to say; my gosh, the paparazzi was right there, no privacy. Of course i am not famous in this way :)

myheartrightsideupand i, where meeting in secret up till that day. This day we did decide, to just do what i normally do, but with him. I long for that, to just be able to live this life of loving openly, called polyamory. I still am only here most open about it, my husband slowly being introduced to me. It is really me and my husband and lover(s) that i think have to know. And here i just want to express it and learn more.
I am still totally enamored by the secretness of it. Loving it that his arm (his godly arm, i love him so) is in the photo, on this magazine. 'Cover girl almost exposed'. We did not know that there would be a photographer there, that day. The leader of the group did ask if anyone had objections.
What do you say, when it just happened to be your first day, and nobody knows.

what you do see
is that i radiate
and i wish you could see
that i love working with my husband
our warm bodies
just out of bed
in the snow
getting ready for winter
you don't see
how happy it makes me
to work with him
something we never did well
and somehow
now
we are able to

for my sister

2010-10-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

Hi sis, i know when i was your age :) i didn't think certain things aesthetically enough to print. You know who taught me to appreciate pictures just like this.

Me here now, some go through it much younger than i do, and i hope some much older too. And maybe some never do, they don't have too.

I love this liberation, and i know i am not quite there, when i'm in the forest and i feel this wave of love welling up from somewhere deep inside, flowing through my heart. I wonder is that what an orgasm is like? You tell me.
Last night i reach an extreme state of pleasure, but ..... somewhere my husband's nail pinched some sensitive skin, and it all disappeared. And even if the love making was very pleasant after, again i did not reach an orgasm.

My husband he is perfect! Just because i am not:) We had a few days of real struggle, where as you maybe understood from previous post, i want a freer life, and he did not. Today is the day we set a side to talk it all out.
mmmmmm it was quite sweet, he looks forward to be be a month without me, and what i do, he lets me free.
He knows what i intend to do with that freedom, and that's enough, no details please.
Yahoooyippeeyah

These trees, growing along side individually, connected by the hip.
That's love for me.

for M

2010-09-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

2010-09-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

I love the water in this picture. My husband took these pictures.
I am very close to the weather, meaning to post pictures here, while looking outside seeing snow, is kind of contradictory for me.
Snow is water vapor, turned into crystals.
Snow is not Ice, no ice yet
This for me is significant. I love my husband. Why are we more like snow? Ice crystals, one separate from the other. Why do we try and it never seems to really work?
Why with my new lover (myheartrightsideup) everything is more then good:), we never had an argument, i never never feel this separateness. With him however we engage; it is always totally good. There is no wall, we are one, and yet, sparkle individually.
i fall
i fall back
into the water
laughing

What is your experience? Did you catch that moment, where the wall was being build? Did you melt that first crystal when it formed? Can i still take down that wall in between me in my husband?
Can i have my cake and eat too, meaning can he and i fully love each other while i have this same full love relationship with myheartrightsideup.

My husband is actually quite open to it all, which is totally beautiful, some fluidity is there. More about that next time, polyamory and stuff.

... in the woods

2010-09-21T09:19:00.001-07:00

hi there everyone, how are you?.... i indeed have storms in my head. you (myheartupsidedown i named you) say; i have to learn to deal with them, quiet them, stillness between my ears. Maybe this is one way; to write about it here.
Today i will let the storm roar, spilling some of it out. All in a ramble as it blows. Then after the wind dies down, i will take the things one by one, pick them and look at them. And most of all i want to learn, hear your comments, see what you think, hear what you feel, to feel what you know.
Actually i am quite calm, these days. Today like yesterday just very tired, and sweetly sad, not deeply.
First; Annie doesn't want to be part of this blog anymore, whatever her reasons (that's up to her to let you know or not:) I love her big time, it is all good, it's not that.
And First of all (coming second here) i want to know about orgasms. I want to hear sooooo many stories. And i wonder if it will happen here on-line (not an orgasm, the talking about it:)
I found in talking to girlfriends, it's amazing how we love to talk about it. As in before i started this blog, how whenever i proposed to get undressed and take photos in the woods of our bodies, it was all laughter and joy. I don't know, i must be blessed with amazing girlfriends. Or are all of us women like that.
Haha, i say women, but somehow men seem to like all this too. So there's my other subject. As you know i am a married woman, in the way where you promise to be faithful.
So how did this all start? Yes, i went on a quest to love my self more. I was very devoted to my husband, but he didn't express his love for me in a way i needed at that time. Something like that. Next thing i know, i start falling in love with a man, who does express himself to me in a way i like. Long story short. Here i am, 2 years later, my husband getting used to the new me(old really, i'm just discovering more of me). And i, Katrin (i am ready for a new name),having an affair with myheartrightsideup. I don't want it to be an affair, i want to have my cake and eat it too.
I want to share more about all this, they are such deliciously humorous sweet loving stories. I want to share, because i want to know if you recognize any of it, in your own way, or if i am just plain weird? Which is totally okay to me too. I do think that sexually i am lugging behind greatly.
Enlighten me!!!
Thanks
10.000 kisses to all of you, dry and soft, wet and warm, rough and deep, etc, all over, wherever, however you like :)

oops, this should have been a photo of a kiss

testing the water

2010-09-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

too much, i said last time i was here
too much indeed
on this page here, i should be able to say anything
i want to say so much
so many secrets
that really i don't mind if any one knows
that really i like to share
so i will learn
and maybe so will you
what my life is about
my deepest joys my deepest fears
maybe not so different
where you say aha
where i will say
aha i'm not the only one
or where you say
i'm way beyond
i'm not there yet
or compassion for all our differences

do you want to hear
what i really want to share?
so really really i will dive in with more confidence
in new waters
waters i have never swam
water that could sweep me off
to strange and scary lands

is there a shore
where i will land?
maybe when i tell
you will tell me that
'katrin you're safe
there is a shore
i just don't know if it's white sand, warm mud, bright green rushes
but for sure there is a shore
and it is good'

will i speak? and will you listen?

too much

2010-08-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

I am falling
how come my heart splits open

my chest cannot hold it in

so much love

how come when i gave in

to love a little

here and there

you and him

and of course him too, still

how come i still feel like i am falling up

where is down

this ride to heaven

God, let me land softly

please please

let it be in your arms

i love you most of all

2010-08-23T07:31:00.001-07:00

i have this knack for loving

i come upon a lake of love

realize i'm right there on the shore

i look up at the mountain tops

strip of my reality

and just dive in

simple isn't it?

deliciously

not so

what else

2010-08-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

hair and skin
yours, mine
in between beach and bluff
water wind and sun
rock turning into sand
you hold me
most tenderly
again again again

This place

2010-08-19T19:46:00.001-07:00

am i thinking?

does my face betray

a thought?

i wonder why.

in a place where water

starts it's journey

after being frozen

for at least 10.000 years

Skin

2010-08-16T21:30:00.001-07:00

to touch

be touched

you

i'm not quite sure

which body part

where when

but i know

for sure

we'll touch again

Because i know exactly where when which bodypart

of us touched first, touched last and all touches in between

flash 33

2010-08-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

4 days in paradise

when you know this is

how life is meant to be

when everything

everything

feels good and right

when the grass is always greener

and you live in it

.................

arsenic

2010-08-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

not acid, it's arsenic
why do i like extremities
in my serene world
not a second do i hesitate
to jump in a pool
in a world of gold-colored rock
arsenikos, strong, masculine
and i am brittle too
my hair has strands of silvery-white
the sun has heated up the rocks
the sun will heat my skin
that's why
i know the sun will always shine
that's why i do not hesitate
i did consult the dictionary today
i hope you forgive me that i did not add
very poisonous
we will see
it's been more than a week ago
and i do still live

dark purple

2010-08-01T17:46:00.001-07:00

There she sits

the mountain queenthere she sits

all calm

and at ease

at this height

but now listen

her heartbeat

the mountain roars

the air full of smoke

rocks shudder

'cause deep deep down

she is

full of pretense

so scared

i know you knew

but did she?

talk to me

2010-07-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

Would you like to talk Tantra?
How about polyamory?
no. 3 he gazed at me
with starry eyes
i'm sold
now i am not smoking
my energies run wild
my woman power
i do not know
it feels as
love is bubbling over

smoke screen

2010-07-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

I would just love a smoke right now
to avoid temptation
i will throw up a smoke screen
in my head
I will do some regression therapy
and fantasize about my lover
long long ago, but memories
sweet like honey on my lips
my lips my lips they long to suck
that.... :)
It's all so funny really
how my smoking coincided with falling in love
and really had nothing to do with it
just a feeling of Euphoria
i could now do anything
and what befell on me?
cigarettes and lovers
-
talking smoke screens
we had the perfect alibi
smoke just hang around that day
(one day, when everyone involved has overcome
and all is long forgotten
i do like to tell the truth in details
sweet sweet secret memories
i can go without a cigarette
but not without my memories)
I know this maybe ain't the place to blabber anything
but you the reader might already have lost interest anyway
so i will carry on
it's just for some excitement
trying to deal with the withdrawal
what i will say; we did fall in love
(as i always say, he in lust
he would never call it love
well he did, he had a few slips fall of his sweet lips
he did promise me the rosegarden ,strawberry fields forever and my place in heaven but lets not dwell on that, i overcame that)
now i just want to tell how we did fall in love
yes, over the Internet :) why not?
somehow the Universe conspired, and without us planning
we met
we, he and i
love the story of it all
how it had to be
how we could not
otherwise
maybe this lover thing while married, maybe it is no good, maybe maybe maybe
it was all in Love!
no lungs were tarred
just breathing deeply
air with angel music
a whiff of salt
sweet sweet fragrances
can i? here now
still smell your body......
oh yazzzzzz i can :) :) :)
i tell you the Universe conspired
the alibi abominable
no i will not tell
not yet
would you, the reader who's still reading this, tell?
would you feel proud of something that was just...
-
my only excuse
it was Love
and Love.....
sweet words soft kisses endless touching on and on and on
nothing nothing nothing can be wrong with that

different

2010-07-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

everything is different
today i read and play:)
I watch your hand
which made me scream and beg
that hand
that goddarn gorgeous hand
today is different
:) you know what
it almost feels the same
how i cried for you
that deep despair
now that i stopped smoking
i scream in agony for that first puff of the day
but here i am
i do not lift my hand to reach that cigarette
i play instead :)
if you only knew
the fuddle that i am
Oh, you knew?
i guess i show you everyday

happily ever after

2010-07-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

or a shadow carved in her skin
every morning now, the queen enters the garden, baths in the spring, the fairies dress her with flower petals and spiderwebs. a ruby-crowned kinglet perches her shoulder. every morning she goes back in the castle and lifts the veil of the bird cage. She gently carries it out gently and hangs it up on the limb of a cherry tree. the bird inside is singing as soon as the fragrance of the garden washes over him, the fairies play around his cage, the spray of the spring refreshes his face. every morning the queen unlocks the little latch and opens the cage.

till the end of days

from dawn till eternity all over this vast and wide land his beautiful songs are heard. a sweet melody tinkling far of in the crevices of my heart

singing love songs

2010-07-16T09:00:00.001-07:00

There is this bird

he loves to flirt

he makes women find their wings

once they fly above the clouds

beckoning him

he stops and shrieks,

"i'm kept inside a cage!"

please, please

don't stop singing

think of all the women you set free

one day your lust turns love

maybe that's the key

FRIDAY FLASH 55click here

bear body

2010-07-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

My body will be hanging on someones wall in the States.

I am so happy about that, haha.

I feel as happy as when i was in love, you know, that time last year, that i didn't really tell you much about.

Of course here in the Internet my body does appear in your living room, i realize that.

So maybe it is because now someone payed for.

Well that is not really it either, although i can imagine that some women are very happy, when they get payed for their body.

And actually it's not the first time i get payed in this way.

It's just that, it is the first time one of my bigger paintings sold. The day i met this bear, i laid down in the grass, to use myself as the model, for the painting i envisioned.

It is always very thrilling to see a bear.

Today to have my art sold from an actual gallery, by people i never met, that also gives me a thrill!

Maybe it's just a little thing, but for me it's big,

~Big as a Bear~

an encounter

filled with delight

kisses and such

2010-07-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

just showing you the deck Don built

that man of mine
he ain't perfect by any means

there's days when i wonder

but he kisses me

holds me when i cry

you know, just last week

remember when i was sad

he tickled me

first gently

wilder deeper

i laughed so hard i shrieked

healed for the moment

this man of mine

he is it that is here

gives me a full body massage

when i am not into sex so much

coming home every night

sleeping beside me

touching lightly

this old grump

he too has hurt me

but always

almost always:)

he is there for me

fifteen

2010-07-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Caballo turns into a strong beautiful horse, without knowing it. As a child she plays among others, alone in the garden. One day a cousin appears, Gerda who has always been there, now takes Caballo under her wing. Takes her up in her group of friends. They play and tell secrets of love and attraction. Wildly they gallop out of the garden into the fields. With the speed of a run away train. The four of them, way out there, discover that there's too many places for fun. Each chooses a direction of the wind, to return to the centre to give each other report. Caballo reaches a slight raise in the flat land, and plays with young stallions, that she doesn't know till this day.
In a moment of clarity; i will always remember sitting there all by myself, feeling loved by friends, life giving so much. I knew then and there; i would never feel lonely, because here i am sitting by myself, everything new, among strangers, ~i know i am always loved~. and still i hardly ever feel lonely.
The four of them together happily return to the garden to sleep.

the photo taken when i was 15 on one of those adventures with those friends.

tears

2010-07-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

What is your relationship with your tears?

How many months ago now? Did i know i love the way they roll down my cheeks.
They way i can make them come, thinking certain thoughts.
Other times when i have no control, there they are.
How now i can actually stop them when i feel them coming.
How i had no such switch just recently.

And then there is the history
Yesterday on-line i met a woman from The Hague .
There's Tears of mine there in The Hague, are the crystals of the salt still there, you think?
It's 27 years ago.

My curriculum vitae for tears is really not that big.
1966 in my bed in my room above the bedroom of my parents. They did not hear, so there and then i did decide, no more tears for me.
1976 same spot, exams tomorrow, i knew i wasn't ready, but i did pass.
1983 The Hague, several locations, that i remember very clearly, i could find those crystals there. (these were heartbreak tears, it made me decide to move to Canada)
1986 Another heartbreak, Atlin BC
1990 In the doctor's waiting room, here. Pregnant. (my son:)

And then i cried for others and with movies and with books.

Here, now, i realize; no tears of Joy in this resume.

Summer 2009 up till today; tears tears tears, intermixed with heaps of Joy, the highs so high, the lows so low. He took me higher than i have ever been, lower than i dared to go.

Well you got to say, that is.....

so now you know

2010-07-06T17:47:00.001-07:00

but do i?

i realize here now

i could not even say the word

i DID NOT have an affair

it was definitely not adultery

all i will say

-he is my truelove-

it's just

he happens to be married

and so am i

i like the word fornication

does that apply?

now i blew it all

2010-07-05T14:52:00.001-07:00

not that there was (i cry) any hope left this is it it is called heartbreak nothing new in this world i've been there before haven't we all (my tears here they come again) why now why me why does it hurt so much for way too long now it's just i do not know how to continue it was a feast you tell me (my tears rolling down my cheeks) you don't regret a thing you tell me(i am blinded now by my own tears) what about my tears oh you say you don't like crying women well how come i've never cried so much in my life (i already said that a year ago, when things were still beautiful) i did not know i had tears before you came along you who gave me everything.....

Okay, it hurts again today, i know already i'll be fine, and better yet. Why today, because i was stupid enough to phone him, yes i did, all you who know me, can't believe your ears, "why why did she do that" well because i had nothing to loose and now i lost everything.....

For you who don't know me; i am a married woman and have a blessed life, my husband, no not he, he gives me everything.... almost :)

Here i sit all snotnosed.

If i just could press delete.

No, i won't. I do know Love (yes you), me neither, i don't regret a thing, it was a feast. I am so glad you said that, i am so glad we had what we had.......

garble garble

building a deck

2010-07-04T18:15:00.001-07:00

My husband and i we work best together when in the nude.

What is that? That we work better together without clothes, really. These pictures show that i can work a drill, and i can and i will, but not with him around. And there he is, you can clearly see that he is hammering air, but it is all just for this picture. He is the one building the deck, not me.

I being a cat, actually just came by the try out the new space and got up on the barely standing deck to sit in the sun, and watch him work. Of course he stopped, he doesn't like being watched when he works. And the deck, actually he didn't build it, he is just putting it up. The deck believe it or not, we found it at the dump, and we just happened to have these sliding doors at the back of the house and my husband had never got around to build the steps into the garden.

Suddenly there it is, and the view a surprise too, maybe i show you next time.

voor jou

2010-07-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

omdat ik van je houcan i love deeply within

without

i want so much to turn my back on you

it's way to long ago,

my heart my body they scream "NO"

free!free!
i am already free

can i live fully

loving you

Caballo Simone

2010-07-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

she was born like a galloping horse
too eager to live no time to listen

her mother Matilde an angel descended,
giving birth to many kids
she was born from a long line of angels in heaven
Adriana, Neeltje,Maria the mountain, Maria the End,
Countess Maria, Maria the Marker, Aaltje Cornelis, Judith Simone and Annetje....

her father's father, Emperor the Jolly most Gentle
one of his sons a knight, slaying dragons and rescuing ladies of love, 't was her father

for now we call this new child, Caballo Simone
an angel to her mother
a princes to her grandpa, he whispered "i see you" and his eyes told her of love. he died very young
and her father he loved her, and told her his stories, till soon he too left the garden, drawn by dragons and labor of love.

All true :) These are all my mothers (thanks to my sister's research). My grandpa called me sientje pronounced seen-tje, and i had a special place in his heart. He died when i was 5. My father well he did tell me stories, and gave me much much more in those early years, but well he was slain a knight by the queen. To become a knight you have to do something very special for your country, which in his case meant he was not there for me or really that is how i experienced it.

nostrills

2010-06-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

In heaven, so they say,

one will be reunited with ones loved ones

i know its true

i was there today

The King living is in his castle of ice cold marble, the one tower, the hearth burning hot. The old King was always King from the beginning of time till the end of my days.
Where the Fairy Queen was once young. Born on the dark clay, howling and alone, just her mother and she coming too fast.
After my father and the doctor arrived they said; what is this with those big nostrils?
Still i was a princess those early years. It's been said. And i kind of remember it.
As i grew older and became aware of being me, i remember one time, happy with myself riding my bike;- why does nobody love me? -
And so i grew up.
Nevertheless loving playing dress-up, dolls, sand and climbing trees. And not until i was 17 i became confident in myself, and more popular you might call it. And so my late teenage years were wild and happy........

a Fairy Tale

2010-06-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Long time ago in eternity in a land, within the crevices of my own heart, so vast and wide, the outer reaches from day till midnight, my breasts barely ripe, hanging in folds of soft skin, there once lived a King and i a Fairy Queen..........

to be continued.

(when i am as lighthearted, open and above all, brave as a fairy queen, it will be my own story, me katrin)

The Queen

2010-06-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

here on-line

i show so much skin

but as the queen of my king

only my hand slides

form under the veil

reaches and waits

till he drops his jewels in

my lips touching this treasure

i receive as deep as i can

as a queen i'm adorned overflowingly

as a king his scepter reigns

read about a true queen at http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com

Happy Solstice

2010-06-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

morning coffee

2010-06-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

what i value a lot

is Don making love to me as i wake up, mmmm

he bringing me my morning coffee

my old blanket, which i have had since i was a very young child

stepping out in the garden before breakfast

my hot porridge with wild berries (the tiny strawberries are ripe!)

is that we live like children

loving what we do most

doing what we love most

taking joy in little things

what i value most

LOVE

i am a love child, born 1960

i live for love

when i toast i say 'op de liefde' for love

thanks Erin

exposed

2010-06-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

Something made me wonder..
Of course you can see here i am quite open, i even like exposing myself a bit :) obviously.
But actually more so, my feelings, what goes on inside my head, etc.
You ask me and i will tell you my deepest secrets.
Well that is as long as you are not related to me (haha, what a joke i am)
And as long as i don't name names when there is other people involved.

Any way what i am getting at
I, more of me than i want to reveal, might be all over Facebook for all i know.

What happened;
My computer broke down
(this is a 'new' old one) Anyway the beautiful person who gave me this one, took my old laptop and wants to tinker with it, to see if he can make it work properly again. He gave me my hard drive, so i have all my files, just in case, we did transfer a lot on to here.
Now, me always so trusting, had that hard drive stolen from my dashboard in the car, hmmmmm i wonder...
so if you see me on Facebook, let me know,
I am ready for the cold shower.
So just that i know that there will be more of me exposed than i would like.
( i do not post every picture here that is taken of me, in some i don't look nice enough to my own standard and some well i won't tell you....:)

solar plexus

2010-06-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com

the vaulted marble sky

the moss we step on

walking on clouds

the light through the trees

sun rays shrouded in black

a bird shrieks

yellow stars on the forest floor

can we make love amidst arnica?

how come i think i'm alive?

when heaven is here

gentle ever so gently

you are entering me

chakras

2010-06-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

i took a little holiday

today

to lala land

it was so good

so very good

in a field of flowers

i lay down with you

bright red billowing in the breeze

menstrual flow and sexual power

reluctantly

i go home again

my poppies here in reality

they're orange

all emotion

lifting me up in the sky

cleansing as i cry

where i am dreaming

i lay amidst

the violet flowers

into Oneness i expand

and for the moment i do understand

"tits on the vine"

2010-06-06T08:31:00.001-07:00

it's sunny and warm
from before daybreak
till after nightfall

in between
i walk naked
he, coming home from work,
"what gorgeous things"
(his hands cup my breast)
"soft fruit"
"all they have to do is just hang there"
(his fingers stroke my nipples)
"they talk to me"

sprinkler

2010-06-01T08:02:00.001-07:00

my love

2010-05-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

is out there planting
he does these things for me

i lounge around
and play

after 20 years
we like it fine this way

Found

2010-05-29T20:23:00.001-07:00

There's Annie
in her garden all right
i only get her to take
pictures
if i help out

now how do i get her
to take of her clothes?
i don't know
i do know
neighbours do drive by
and even a cop car
is going kind of slow

i am a farm girl

2010-05-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

i am you know

farming

2010-05-24T15:14:00.001-07:00

I think i lost Annie... to her garden maybe. She is not into this blogging much, i think. So i climb on the tractor to distract my husband, who is working the soil in my garden. Does he want to make pictures? he does, but.... i feel he rather enjoys my body a different way. We'll see. He took this photo yesterday, and more...
But it is different with my husband.... I don't know.
The whole thing of 'women laughing naked in the snow'. I am a heterosexual woman, and to make photos like this with women, there so much laughter and so much intimacy. The total Joy of it.
With my own husband....... well it's kind of normal, we have been together for 20 years.
I do have to say: that all this interest of me in my own body, has spiced our relationship,mmmmmm

hmmmmmm :), do you know any photographer/model ? doesn't have to be a farmer, but to love the outdoors is a must.

katrin x

laying there

2010-05-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

the rain falls steady

I think of you laying

upon her

feeling as one

goose dumps on your skin

you have no fur like our friends

yet there you go

always eager for another shot

another chance to express

your inner self

naked, nothing to hide

so much to share

you blend into the earth

laying there

trusting

believing

knowing

feeling

all there is,so peaceful, so sure

your heart full of wonder, full of love

completes the circle

with your love

the distance between us

2010-05-21T20:31:00.001-07:00

to think

i thought of you right now

how far can we be

when you're on my mind

and i'm on yours

i lay here

in the breeze

coming from your fan

i lay here

where i do not understand

a single thing

many many mountains

in between us

sometimes i wish

they were imaginary

I wrote this in a flash 55 for Christopher :)

http://www.mrknowitall.blogspot.com

http://www.northernwall.blogspot.com/

letting go

2010-05-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

i turn my back on

certain thoughts

i face the other way

there's nothing there

not yet

everything i was is gone

everything i did

i did with you

everything i saw

i saw you

when i feel

i feel you

the sun the wind

they sweep in

great joy

i am learning love

without

it was a little tricky, but because it is Friday Flash 55, i shortened my writing. which is good

because

every word i write, ..... :)

http://www.g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/

i smile

2010-05-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

There i sit

what do you see?

that i am all confident

but wonder

Now i am here

all agitated

so much thoughts

not knowing

which to type

I read the book

of course it's wrong

of course it's right

it's the way you write

will you come down

the mountain again

will i see how you tremble

will i feel again

that your hand is steady

and so very soft

when it touches me

and annie i miss you too, when will you come again, and not just on internet, i am good, happy to feel the sun on my naked skin just out of the shower, but then i think when i could listen to you, talk, all would be better at least, making some sense out of what i still feel.

11 minutes

2010-05-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

Paulo Coelho got it all wrong,
I would give anything for eleven seconds
what does he know about women anyway, being a man
oh right, if you read the book, he talks about men
giving everything for those 11 minutes

but really truly it is seconds
maybe even less
seconds of pure bliss
when it's happening and you know it
sometimes every 11 seconds
sometimes once every 11 days
sometimes once a life time
but always
always it will feel
like it's eternity

gloriously

ps, i did not finish the book yet
i'm somewhere in between here and forever

light & dark

2010-05-08T08:06:00.001-07:00

you say, i blend and bend
i say, you light me up
thanks

a small step

2010-05-04T15:01:00.001-07:00

a small step or a giant leap

2010-05-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

life reaches out to us,

giving freely, ours to take

a small step, or a giant leap

rivers flowing, like our blood

our hands intertwined,

our paths together, we walk,

we run, we fly,

not sure where were going,

not sure why,

the beat of our heart,keeps it alive

this feeling we have,deep inside

one in 55 million

2010-04-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

sliding under covers

i glide into

his warm embrace

bring me back

to know that i'm still me

what is this longing

for another

the one that's not

in my bed

bring me back

to that feeling

that i had

all is totally

good as it is

river

take me there

river that is me

check out:http://www.g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.com/

stuck gramophone

2010-04-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

when i don't know a thing
when i' m a stuck gramophone
and no one knows anymore what that is
there's no picture of me
to show who i am
when i am surrounded by beautiful people
but i just want to go home
on my doorstep a package
no note attached not even a name
was it you?
are dreams trying to come true
my light's on but no body's home
the phone's ringing
a well-meaning friend
but i wish it was someone else
when i am like that
really,
things are not bad
i am so very soft
filled with this love
that replays in my head
it flows from my heart
to my limbs
that grow week
my ears forgot how to hear
and my eyes close when i sleep
please
please forgive me
when i'm like that

i love

2010-04-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

walking on the ridge with you

even if our hands don't fit

i love you fumbling with the condom

when i don't have to take responsibility

i love your skin

smooth as warm marble heated by the sun, underneath your body hair

your rough hands cupping my soft breast

my nipple in between your hot, from morning coffee, lips

i love

i love so many things

and wonder if i will fly again

above this river

that always kept flowing

hidden by the ice

spring is here

will you touch me

once again?